The Nightmare That is Valley Produce

Let's face it: an Indian family cannot live by shopping at Ralph's. It's just not going to happen. If you're going to feed a family of four daily, you're going to need to buy vegetables in bulk. At $2 a pound for tomatoes and maybe $1 PER onion, any Indian would go straight up broke. Let's not forget chicken tikka masala is all the rage now so that's going to cost you about $6 a bottle for some CTM sauce. So what do families do about this? They stay away from the chain stores when in need of vegetables and/or spices. Instead, they shop at a farmer's market or at a local "ethnic market." For my family, that local spot is the grocery store known as Valley Produce. I believe it started out primarily carrying Persian/Middle Eastern goods, but now they literally have everything from every country (they even carry Kinder Happy Hippo! +5 points for that shooooot). They have produce that's super cheap so you can happily purchase things in bulk without making your wallet cry, a wide assortment of products from all of the world, and an amazing Persian bakery with the best cakes and pastries. You might be thinking, "Wow this place sounds so awesome, what's the trade-off?" I'll tell you: MY SANITY.

The place is a freaking zoo. I won't complain about how crowded the parking lot always is because hey, they have low prices, but brace yourself because I have a hefty amount of other gripes. First of all, the people who shop here have zero patience. I can always count on people pushing me aside because I'm standing in front of something they need or someone ramming their cart into me and hitting my foot from behind because they're in a rush. That shizz hurts man! Do they ever apologize? No. At Valley Produce, apologizing is for the weak. What else grinds my gears? The employees. They're always hanging around in some aisle I need things from pretending to be "busy" restocking things on shelves. I usually see they're there, decide to go shop for other things, and plan to return to that specific aisle later with the assumption that they will be done restocking and I can purchase what I need to. Wishful thinking, right? You bet. They're always still there. If you say, "Excuse me" in hopes of them moving out of the way, dream on kid. These things I'm talking about didn't just happen once or twice, they are guaranteed to happen every time I set foot in the store. I can promise you this is the same experience every other person who shops here has as well.

This is getting long, let me just discuss the issue I had last week. My mom and I are in one of the aisles looking for atta and naturally one of the employees in right in front of what we need, refusing to move. We can't see the prices, so we don't even know which brand we wanted. My mom decides to ask the guy working there how much one of them was to which the employee responded, "All of the prices are written, see, (points to sticker), you have to read it and then you will know the price."

HOLD UP COWBOY.

I then told him, "We can't see the prices because you are in the way."

Employee: "Listen. I said read the stickers and then you will know the price. It's written. Look at it."

Me: "You need to move out of the way then so we can read the stickers on our own."

Did he move? No no moving is for the weak.

I think I get an ulcer every time I shop at this place.

Ok I could go on forever, and let's be real here, the store is a gold mine, the prices are incredible, and I could never stop shopping here. The main point is that my sanity is checked in at the door every time I walk into this place and I really wonder why it must be this way? Can't we all be happy at VP?

An Attack on Google Maps

Oh Google, my Google, I love your search engine, Gmail, Gchat, Google Earth, Picasa, Blogger (obviously) and pretty much everything else you have to offer. Well, everything except one thing - Google Maps. Yeah I said it, Google, you are ruining my life with Google Maps and frankly, I am not amused. I also hate that it's the default map app on iPhones. Whenever I press "current location" while sitting in my house, you put me on some random street 3 miles away in Reseda. How dare you. That's the least of my problems though. Here's what grinds my gears:

You are terrible at giving me directions to ANYWHERE and EVERYWHERE!

How can a company so good at everything be so awful at a simple thing such as giving driving directions? Of course, I no longer use Google for directions if I'm planning a trip from home (MapQuest FTW!), but sometimes when I'm on the road, I need to look up directions on my phone and unfortunately, I have to use GM. Here are some of the most recent Google Maps snafus I've dealt with (multiply the amount listed here by 20 and that's about how many other times I have been messed with):


Sawtelle Blvd. is NOT an exit on the 405 South. Exit 51 actually has no mention of Washington Blvd. or Culver City either. I was supposed to exit JEFFERSON BLVD. Google geez!

From UC San Diego to Pala Casino:



Ok no that's all wrong. All of it! Thanks for that doozie G-Maps!

From Northridge to Cookies by Design in Long Beach:


This was quite the epic fail as well. When you're on PCH and make a right on Havana, you go into a residential area and a few feet away is E. 8th Street. I make the left and great, I'm back on PCH. Why did they make me go in a circle through some random residential area like that when I could've kept going straight?

I honestly could keep going but seriously, why do you suck so bad with driving directions? Get it together! Let's not forget the time you made Sameer catch a nonexistent train from Oceanside to Northridge through Metrolink's Trip Planner. I'm shaking my fist at you, Google.

Super Bowl Commercials

So I guess many people thought this year's Super Bowl commercials weren't up to par. I personally thought they were pretty funny - and definitely funnier than last year's. I do laugh at just about anything though so I am not really a great indicator of comedic value. Here are some of my favorites from last night (in no particular order):

1 - "Keep your hands off my momma, and keep your hands off my Doritos"



LOL!

2 - The McDonald's shout out to the '93 McDonald's commercial

2010 Commercial:



Larry Bird at the end - classic!

Who remembers the original? Although I was seven, I sure do.

1993 Commercial:



P.S. Slammin sweater, MJ!

3 - Bud Light AUTOTUNE!



hahahahhaahahhahahahaha. Coming from someone who adores her I Am T-Pain iPhone app, you knew this was going to be a winner in my book.

4 - Dodge Charger



"I will watch your vampire tv shows with you."





Lastly, honorable mention to the folks at Vizio. I mean, they used my hero Tay Zonday. Another instant winner. Chocolate rain forever!

Tales From the Stall

Every one tells a lie here or there (or at least I do...), but sometimes people take it TOO FAR. I'm talking to you, Georgia-Pacific! I was in a public restroom the other day and check out the toilet paper dispenser (yes, I took a picture in the restroom, don't judge me!):



The "Never-Out 3000." Whoa, whoa, whoa. Never out? That's a bold claim - and it's a dirty lie. Sure when that 1st roll runs out, there will be a 2nd one available for use, but what about after that Georgia-Pacific? Sounds like we have a problem. To make it worse, 3000? Really? Only super amazing things are allowed to have a denomination of one thousand in its name (i.e. The Kingfisher 9000 among other things) and your dispenser is so not worthy! I can't believe you Georgia-Pacific.

I Want These

Look at my most recent discovery via the Interwebz - the answer to thank you notes! They're appropriately called You're Welcome Cards and are pretty clever (and hilarious) in my opinion. I mean really, what are you supposed to do/say when someone sends you a thank you note? I personally never know. I usually just toss them out and think to myself "Oh good, their gift arrived safely and they like it." Proper etiquette however, dictates you should always say, "You're welcome." The easiest way out is to just send one of these you're welcome notes back! lol. Why didn't I think of this? I think the best product they sell are the pack of 50 business cards. Check out the description off their site:

Business card style to throw around, leave with tips, slip under someones windshield wiper... the options are endless. And if the front of the card doesn't say enough for you, the back of the card is blank so you can write a note to whomever you are leaving the card for. Have fun with these!

Yes You're Welcome people, I would have fun with these. I would actually have a field day with something like this. lol! I think they would also be funny to send out to people who probably should have thanked you for something, and chose not to. In true passive aggressive fashion, you could just hand them a you're welcome note. Genius. Here's a link to their other merchandise - check it out!

You Elusive Sandwich, You

From Chicken McNuggets Happy Meals to Filet o' Fish Fridays and $1 Parfaits, I have proudly been running on McDonald's fare since 1990 [the scale in my bathroom will tell you the same]. Since capitalism is so awesome, I can always count on there being a McD's wherever I happen to be in the world. If I can't decide what I'd like to eat, am low on cash, want hashbrowns at 6am, and/or just want a quick meal, I can always count on McDonald's to come to my rescue. Ok, enough of my homage to the humble abode of Ronald and the Hamburglar - let's cut to the chase. There is an amazing item on their menu that I have come to realize isn't available everywhere: The Hot and Spicy McChicken Sandwich. All my life I have been eating the regular non-spicy $1 McChicken sandwich - it is one of my favorites. Then this all changed. Years ago on a trip to Las Vegas [I must have been 11 or 12 I think], I asked Pops for my usual McChicken, only to be given this hot and spicy gem instead. Say what?! I tried it, and because I am brown and love all things spicy, I fell in love. Turns out Nevada does not even sell the regular McChicken Sandwich! I assumed this was a new item and that California would get it eventually too - but unfortunately they did not, and they still never have. To this day, no trip to Nevada is complete without at least 1 Hot and Spicy McChicken is consumed! Did I eat one on my last Vegas trip? You bet. I decided to further investigate. I conducted a simple search on Google, and it turns out LOTS of states sell this sandwich. Why is California getting gypped here? WHY? I want answers McDonald's and I want them pronto.

Looking Back on 2009 - Man I'm a Slacker.

lol remember when I said I would do a daily recap of 2009 events? I lied. As you can see, I only made it to part 9 - and that last post was a 3fer! I didn't even know that today was January 6th. Ok so.. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! Still not sure if we're supposed to call it two-thousand-ten 0r twenty-ten [CNN said twenty-ten], but what I do know is that saying it like Bonni does [Y2KX] is definitely gang-gangsta. My last few days of December were really enjoyable. I the last of '09 ringing in the new year in Vegas. Now all of you know I am a Vegas regular, but this was actually my first time being there for NYE. Verdict: it is awesome.


Overall 2009 was a good year - I really missed being in college / all of my old college friends, and I look forward to being back in school and back into crazy study mode in 2010. I didn't get to do my daily recap as I had originally planned, but before I officially start blogging about Y2KX events, there are some things that deserve some honorable mentions. We'll call this - "the grand finale."

Best Single Of 2009: Kim Zolciak "Tardy for the Party"
no contest!



Lakers Win the 2009 NBA Championship


and they will do it again this year!

Finally Getting to Visit the Aquarium of the Pacific


After years of pleading with people to join me, we finally made the trek Long Beach to go to the Aquarium of the Pacific. I think like most things, I over-hyped it in my head, but it was still cool.

Biggest Revelation of the Year: Kanye West is a Jerk


LOL. The joke still isn't old yet! Thank you for that, Kanye.



Chicago : The Buzz City of the Year


2k9 became the year that Meesa and just about everyone else I know moved to Chicago. As a result, I will now be making sure I make a trip out there within the first half of 2010. Cubs and Bulls games, here I come! My poor friend Meesa, missed the NBA train upon her move to Illinois and somehow got sucked into Blackhawks HOCKEY. What an outrage. Here's to hoping she comes to her senses soon!

Speaking of Chicago sports, after a very long hiatus which commenced circa 1996, I returned to the Chicago Bulls bandwagon after their impressive performance in the 2009 NBA Playoffs. Triple Overtime against the Celtics!



A Massive Mylar Balloon Messed With My Emotions Hardcore
After two hours of seriously believing a child was flying across Colorado in a helium balloon, I later learned I was gypped. Curse you Richard Heene and your antics. I want my lost time back.







On a positive note, at least an awesome song came out of the fiasco:



The Year of Kittehs on YouTooB





Surprise Kitty, Keyboard Cat - this was definitely the year of cats loaded with awesomeness.

GA-GA-OH-LA-LA-WHAT??!





Lady Gaga, you are so crazy, but you never cease to intrigue me. Props, Gaga, props.

One Step Closer to Social Security Benefits


23rd birthday celebration at Disneyland. Holla!

Baby Brother Is Becoming an Adult




I remember when this fool came home from the hospital. Now he's a sophomore in college? I really am getting old.

Fantasy Sports is NOT A Waste of Time


December 14, 2009 - a day I will never forget. I was walking to my car and noticed one missed call and a voicemail from an "unknown" number. I assumed it was a telemarketer so I listened to the message so I can confirm it and delete it. Much to my surprise, it was Ashley from Southwest Airlines calling to inform me that I had won Week 9 of Yahoo!'s Fantasy Sports College Pick 'Em and can expect to receive 2 air tickets delivered to my door within the next three weeks; allowing me to fly anywhere in the U.S. that Southwest flies to. I nearly pee'd in my pants with excitement. Case in point: fantasy sports actually has a purpose.

Barack Obama is a BAMF.



LOL.

Greatest. Hat. Ever.



don't ever forget it!

Trashy TV Never Goes Out of Style



After finally getting over The Hills, MTV gives me another guilty pleasure to obsess over. Thanks MTV. I can't even say or hear the word "situation" without thinking about it.


Here's to saying goodbye to 2009 and saying hello to what I hope to be a very exciting 2010.